


May You Find Some Comfort Here

by loves_music17



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Needles, Size Kink, episode 4x2, play piercing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 09:50:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loves_music17/pseuds/loves_music17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Blue Christmeth 2013. What if Badger had come back to check on Jesse after the party ended in "Thirty-Eight Snub"? What if Badger and Jesse had a different sort of friendship? Jesse thought he'd found the only way to help him cope with his terrible life but he discovers another, better way with the help of an old friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May You Find Some Comfort Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cand86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cand86/gifts).



After Skinny Pete dropped Badger off at his place to crash after Jesse’s epic rager, Badger barely managed to crawl into his bed. He was exhausted after days of almost nonstop hardcore partying, but for some reason he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. He tossed and turned for nearly an hour before he finally sat up in bed with a frustrated groan and scrubbed his hands over his face. Badger kept thinking about his buddy Jesse—the poor guy was clearly dealing with some serious shit—and the look on his face when the party had cleared out that morning and he’d realized Badger and Skinny Pete weren’t sticking around. Jesse always tried to act like he didn’t give a shit; he’d been pulling the same tough guy routine since they were in junior high and started getting into the drug scene. Badger knew Jesse was really a big softie at heart—Hell, Badger remembers how wrecked he’d been after his Aunt Ginny died—though he’d never say that to Jesse because even though he was half Badger’s size he packed a mean punch for such a little guy.

Badger knew he hadn’t been around for a while, having to lay low out in Cali for a while after the DEA started sniffing around and all, but that didn’t mean he didn’t notice something was up with his old friend as soon as he got back to town. He didn’t want to outright ask Jesse, since he figured the guy probably wouldn’t tell him anyway, so he asked Skinny Pete what was up. Badger wished he could have just talked to Jesse, like they used to when they were younger, but ever since Jesse started cooking with Heisenberg he’d gotten real distant. Skinny hadn’t been totally sure what was wrong with their friend either, though he did mention Jesse had just finished a stint in rehab after his girlfriend OD’d before Badger came back. Badger felt like a dick for not being there for Jesse, but he didn’t know how to bring it up and Jesse seemed to have moved on rather quickly to cooking meth again. Jesse’s new product was the bomb too, and although his friend was no longer using he seemed pretty proud of making the Blue Sky on his own.

Things had seemed to go pretty much back to normal for a while, despite Jesse getting the shit beat out of him by that ball-buster DEA agent and looking a little less happy. Jesse had apparently made up with his ex-partner though and they were cooking together again at some super-lab, but he was sneaking out some of the meth for Badger and Skinny Pete to sling at the NA meetings. Which, Badger didn’t really feel right about doing but they were all clean for the first time in a long time so he didn’t want to make waves and it was a way of making some extra cheddar on the side. Jesse seemed much happier once he started seeing that Hispanic chick Andrea, Badger thinks her name was, from the meetings. Badger was happy for Jesse, he was making mad stacks making crystal, had a hot girlfriend, and it seemed the DEA couldn’t touch him because of that asshole that attacked him. He just thought it’d be cool if they could go back to how things used to be about a year ago, when Jesse was always cool to hang and they were best friends. And not to sound gay or anything, but he kind of missed the old days when he and Jesse would fumble around while they were high or drunk or both. Back when they hadn’t had steady girlfriends they’d watch porn or just talk about their past conquests and before long they would be jacking off next to one another on the couch or something. After a few times it just seemed like a good idea to help each other out, since it always feels better when you’re not using your own hand, and then they started making out without even thinking about whether that made them homos. They experimented a few times with blow jobs or fingering, but they never made it to actually fucking, and they never talked about what happened when they were alone. Even Skinny and Combo hadn’t known what went down between him and Jesse. Badger remembers all the sounds Jesse made when he touched him or had his fingers in his ass, and how he always liked to cuddle after they got off together. They might have started off high every time but they usually always ended up curled together sober. Badger secretly liked watching Jesse sleep, he looked so peaceful for God’s sake, and Jesse tended to wake up like a cat or something with all sorts of stretching and mewling and shit. Those times were over it seemed though; he and Jesse hadn’t hooked up since he started working with Heisenberg. Then Andrea came into the picture and Badger figured Jesse wouldn’t be interested if he was getting regular pussy.

He’d been worried when Jesse seemed to vanish for a while there, not sure what had happened or whether his friend was alright. Badger knew those two drug dealers that had killed Combo for selling on their turf had been killed the same night Jesse disappeared off the radar so he put two and two together, or so he thought. When Jesse finally came back from wherever he’d been hiding out he seemed messed up as bad as when Badger came back from California, maybe worse. When Badger realized he was back on the drugs he was shocked, he thought for sure Jesse wouldn’t start using again, but Jesse seemed to be trying really hard to act all calm and collected so Badger and Skinny Pete didn’t make a big deal about it. Jesse suggested throwing a party and Badger thought it’d be a good way for Jesse to forget about whatever was bothering him. After a couple days Badger started to get worried because he knew Jesse wasn’t sleeping or eating really, but he was still going to work and acting like everything was normal. Badger had a hard time thinking straight while he was high, so he didn’t really consider talking to Jesse, but now that he had come off his high and thought about everything he knew he needed to go over and see how Jesse was doing. He wouldn’t let his friend brush him off either, he’d have to be firm to get Jesse to talk about what was wrong, knowing how stubborn the guy could be.

Badger showered and ate a quick lunch, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to bring to Jesse as well; figuring he probably hadn’t thought to eat. The guy never seemed to remember to eat, especially when he was upset. When he pulled up to Jesse’s house, he could hear the music from that sick ass stereo all the way out on the street. He tried knocking on the door, but wasn’t surprised when Jesse didn’t answer. He was surprised when he tried the door handle and found it was unlocked. Jesse had gotten pretty careless about allowing everyone and their brother to walk into his house, considering how much cash he had from working at the super-lab. Badger peeked inside the house, and rushed in as soon as he saw Jesse curled up in a ball right in front of one of the giant stereo sub-woofers. Jesse had his back to the door so he didn’t see Badger come in, and he didn’t hear him call out either since he was practically deaf from lying in front of the obscenely loud stereo for so long. He barely flinched when Badger touched his shoulder and when he rolled over to see who was there his eyes were red-rimmed and glazed over. Badger stood up to flip the stereo off, unable to take the noise any longer. Jesse didn’t move, didn’t seem to realize Badger was even there. He must have taken another bump after Badger and Skinny Pete left earlier. Badger sighed, knowing their talk would have to wait until Jesse sobered up. He tried asking when Jesse last ate but Jesse’s ears were still too numb to hear and even if he had heard he probably wouldn’t have responded anyway. So Badger decided it would probably be better to focus on getting Jesse somewhere comfortable before worrying about eating. He may not be in shape by any stretch of the imagination, but Jesse was no heavyweight so it wasn’t too hard to lift him over his shoulder and carry him upstairs to his bedroom, away from the wreckage of the party turned meth-den. Once he made it to Jesse’s bedroom Badger laid his friend out on the bed and started removing his shoes and clothes. He gulped when he saw needle marks on the inside of Jesse’s thighs after he maneuvered him out of his over-sized jeans. The marks were clearly pretty fresh judging from the dried blood smeared across Jesse’s skin. He’d known Jesse had gotten hooked on the Horse while Badger was gone, thanks to his old girlfriend, but he’d thought Jesse would never use it again after what happened. That shit was nothing to mess with, and although Badger was willing to try a lot of things at least once heroin was off the list of drugs he’d ever do after seeing what it had done to so many of his homies over the years. Sure, meth was no walk in the park but it had nothing on heroin. Before he could freak out too much though Jesse started to moan as he came back to his senses a bit. He looked up at Badger looming over him, his brow furrowing in confusion at why Badger was back at his house, but then he saw where Badger was looking and followed his gaze down to his bloodied thighs. He curled in on himself, tucking his legs together beneath his chest to hide what couldn’t be unseen.

“Jesse…dude. What are you thinking?” Badger whispered, too shocked to speak any louder.

Jesse shuddered as he croaked out, “It’s not what it looks like, yo. I-I just…need to feel something. I’m not…I could never use it again,” his voice hitched on the last word as he fought off sobs.

Badger gulped, not knowing how to comfort his friend, who’d become someone he hardly knew anymore. After a moment he settled on lying a comforting hand on Jesse’s back since he’d turned away from him and rubbing small circles across his skin. He muttered nonsensical things, like “It’s okay, it’s alright. Don’t cry, Jesse” or “Hey, calm down bro. Breathe. There you go.” Finally, after what felt like hours of awkward silence save for Jesse’s hiccuping cries, Jesse was furiously swiping away the tear tracks on his face and sniffling away the last of his sobs. He wouldn’t meet Badger’s eye, clearly embarrassed, but Badger was having none of that. He grabbed Jesse’s chin, forcing him to look up at Badger.

“Jesse, yo, we need to talk,” Badger said as seriously as he possibly could.

His friend fidgeted even more at that statement, eyes darting around the room, up to the ceiling, anywhere besides at Badger. He clasped his hands together and started picking at the skin around his thumbnail on his right hand, a nervous habit he’d never been able to break. Badger let go of Jesse’s face to instead cover Jesse’s hands, stilling the action before he could draw blood like he usually did. He shifted from where he was perched on the edge of the bed to gently push Jesse more towards the center of the bed with Badger prying his legs apart to get a better look at the damaged skin.

“So if you’re not using, what is this, man?” Badger asked with a disbelieving look.

Jesse tried to pull his legs back together but Badger’s grip was firm and after Badger started rubbing soothing circles on the top of his thighs—mindful of the needle marks—Jesse gave up struggling and seemed to relax into the mattress a bit. Jesse sighed, but Badger couldn’t really tell if it was in resignation or contentment. When Jesse opened his mouth to explain a couple minutes later Badger thought it was probably the former, but he hoped his touch was appreciated at least a little.

“I uh…” Jesse cleared his throat, scratchy from his bout of crying, before continuing, “I started using the needles after- well, after I did something really bad. I promised Ja-Jane I would never use that shit again but…I really liked the way it made everything go away when I was on it. It’s not- you know, it’s not like crystal, man. I just wanted…I don’t know. I wanted to not care again like when I was on the heroin. The feeling isn’t really the same, but I can pretend, and i-it helps…sort of.”

Badger looked down at Jesse’s legs again, trying to understand what his friend meant, and then he remembered this chick he met at a party once and failed to convince to sleep with him. She’d had needle marks on her chest of all places, obvious with the low-cut top she was wearing, but there were a lot of them and after a few seconds Badger had realized it was the outline of a heart. She’d caught him staring and acted offended until he asked her about what was with her chest. She’d brightened up after that, going on and on about this guy at a local tattoo shop that did this thing called play piercing, where he made shapes and designs with hypodermic needles inserted in the skin without puncturing veins or anything. It sounded crazy to Badger at the time, but after hearing Jesse talk he couldn’t help but feel bad for judging it. If it helped Jesse, Badger wouldn’t dog him about it. He looked up again to see Jesse had buried his face in the covers, probably thinking Badger thought he was a freak after not saying anything for so long. He couldn’t stand letting Jesse think he thought less of him after sharing something so personal with Badger, especially after they had drifted so far apart. He wanted his friend back, he wanted things to be like they used to be, and after looking at Jesse curled up half naked beside him he couldn’t deny that he wanted their more personal relationship back as well, maybe more than what they had before even, if Jesse was willing. Badger hauled Jesse up by his arms, making Jesse look him straight in the eye as he told him he didn’t think Jesse was sick or weird for doing what he’d done. He might not totally get it, but he’d like to understand if Jesse would let him. Jesse looked floored, and then after a moment he started to blush as he realized he was stripped down to his boxers while Badger was still fully clothed in his bed. Badger noticed how red Jesse got from his face to his chest, the first color he’d seen on his friend in a long time, and smiled at having caused it. He ruffled Jesse’s hair playfully as he stood up to go get a wet washcloth to help clean up Jesse’s thighs. Badger left Jesse with the nearly forgotten PB&J and a demand to eat it before Badger returned. Badger went to the bathroom down the hall for the washcloth and a glass of water while he was in there, knowing Jesse didn’t really like that bathroom for some reason so he didn’t want him to have to come in to get a drink on his own. By the time Badger came back into the bedroom Jesse had polished off the sandwich and pulled the comforter around his thin shoulders. Badger motioned for the other man to lie back so he could see his legs and Jesse didn’t say a word as he did what Badger asked. It only took a couple minutes for Badger to wipe away the old blood and once he was done he helped Jesse sit up and gave him the glass of water he’d brought back. Jesse gulped it down greedily, a few drops slipping past his lips to slide down his neck. He shivered at the cold liquid touching his skin and Badger instinctively shifted closer to wrap an arm around Jesse’s waist to share his body heat. Jesse didn’t question it; in fact he snuggled up against Badger’s side like it was the most natural thing in the world for them to do. Badger’s hand idly rubbed Jesse’s side to create friction to further warm his friend. Jesse’s hand fell onto Badger’s leg, fingers curling against the denim material of his jeans. Badger looked down at Jesse just in time to catch the questioning look in Jesse’s eyes. His eyes seemed bigger and bluer than ever, Badger thought. Badger couldn’t resist leaning down to steal a kiss though, and he enjoyed the way Jesse’s eyes fluttered closed as their lips connected for the first time in over a year. Jesse made a slightly distressed sound as Badger pulled away, but once he realized Badger was only removing his clothing—at an alarming speed—Jesse’s eyes widened and he shivered for a completely different reason than being cold. Badger could see Jesse’s cock was at half-mast already, slightly tenting his boxers, and Badger’s own dick was straining against his jeans a bit painfully before he shucked off his pants and boxers in one swift motion. Badger wasted no time in manhandling Jesse out of his boxers and under the covers beneath Badger’s bulkier frame. Jesse instinctively wrapped his legs around Badger’s hips, allowing Badger to settle into the V of his legs and their cocks to slide against each other in a way that had both men groaning at the wonderful friction. Before things really heated up though, Badger made sure to look down at Jesse to ask if he really wanted to do this. Jesse bit his bottom lip anxiously, but after looking into Badger’s eyes for some kind of sign he nodded slowly.

“What about…you’re- you know, Andrea, man?” Badger asked, even though his dick was aching for release and he really didn’t want Jesse to change his mind, knowing he needed Jesse to be sure.

“Uh, we’re not really…together anymore. Badger, I want this. I want you, man,” Jesse said and wrapped his arms around Badger’s neck to pull him in for a kiss that was messy, awkward, and fueled by Jesse’s desperation for human contact.

Badger wasn’t as stupid as most people took him for, he understood when he was being used but at that moment he couldn’t give a rat’s ass as long as Jesse kept clinging to him like he was the last person on earth. After that things moved really quickly, Badger took both their cocks in his hand to start pumping them together, making Jesse throw his head back with a loud moan at the sensation. Before long they were writhing together in a hot, sweaty frenzy as Badger’s hand stripped their cocks furiously, their mingled precome acting as lube. Jesse was mumbling gibberish it sounded like as he got closer to coming, the only words Badger could understand was “faster” and “yeah, bitch, so close”. Badger watched in fascination as Jesse and he came at almost the same time, their juices spraying between them to paint their heaving chests. He pumped their dicks a few more times until Jesse whimpered at the over stimulation and Badger took mercy on him. He swiped the jizz off his chest to smear it across Jesse’s chest with a smirk. The smaller man watched him with hooded eyes and a small smile, already half asleep after a much needed orgasm. Badger wiped most of their combined seed off with an edge of the sheet before he flopped over beside Jesse with a grunt. He couldn’t help but grin when Jesse immediately snuggled into his side. Badger wrapped his arm around Jesse’s shoulders to pull him even closer and kissed him on the top of his head. Jesse’s head settled on Badger’s chest, right over his heart and he was lulled to sleep by his friend’s heartbeat with Badger finally managing to fall asleep not long after.

___________________  


The next day Jesse is slow to wake up as he arches his back off the bed, releases a huge ass yawn, and brings a hand up to knuckle the lingering traces of sleep out of his eyes. When he finally cracks open an eye he is greeted with an eyeful of bare skin and it takes him much longer than it should have to remember what happened the previous day with his friend Badger. Jesse can’t help the small smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth at the memory of him and Badger getting off together like they used to. Jesse hadn’t felt much of anything for a while now, not since Gale, Hell to be completely honest not since Jane. He’d been going through the motions for a long time, just trying to keep himself from being swallowed up by the looming depression that had haunted him for months. He’d thought he might have been able to move on with Andrea and Brock, but he realized he could never drag them into his shitty world. They deserved better than Jesse Pinkman, just like his parents and baby brother Jake deserved better. Jesse had decided he didn’t really care what happened to him anymore, as long as he wasn’t corrupting anymore innocent people. Jesse was the bad guy after all, and he’d accepted that after rehab. Then Badger showed up and surprised the Hell out of Jesse by actually giving a shit about him and trying to take care of him. Jesse had thought Badger would never be interested in hooking up with him again, considering how hard Jesse had worked to push all of his friends away over the past year. He figured they would be better off without him, but after last night Jesse realized he needed someone to keep him sane and maybe Badger could be that someone. Badger knew Jesse wasn’t a saint, they were both in the drug business, and he hadn’t called Jesse a freak when he found out his friend was sticking needles in his skin. Badger’s booming laugh startled Jesse out of his thoughts and he realized he’d closed his eyes again as he started to drift off. When he opened his eyes and struggled to sit up he realized his face was burrowed in Badger’s armpit of all places. Badger lifted his arm and slung it around Jesse’s waist so that he could pull Jesse flush against his side. Jesse’s head settled on Badger’s shoulder, still a little drowsy but knowing that was the best sleep he’d had in a long time. When he looked up Badger’s attention was focused on some old sitcom playing on the TV. Jesse’s laptop was pushed to the end of the bed and he guessed Badger must have used it while Jesse was still sleeping but he didn’t really care. Badger looked down like he’d felt Jesse watching him and he smiled his usual goofy grin which Jesse gladly returned. His smile soon turned to a pout when Badger started to tease him about Jesse acting like a cat when he wakes up. Badger ruffled his hair playfully as he asked what Jesse wanted for breakfast or more accurately lunch. Jesse’s eyes widened and he turned to his alarm clock to see he was late for work. Mr. White was going to freak out on him for sure. He swore loudly as he scrambled out of Badger’s grasp and the bed to start yanking clothes up from the floor to get dressed. Badger looked confused as he watched his friend rush around like a madman. Jesse was snatching his phone up from the bedside table when Badger grabbed his wrist to get Jesse’s attention.

“Can’t you like, call in or something, yo? It’s just one day. And you haven’t showered or ate or anything,” Badger said.

Jesse shrugged as he replied, “No time. Sorry, man. This isn’t the kind of job I can just blow off. If you wanna stick around that’s cool. I won’t be home until later tonight. Thanks for…thanks for last night.”

Then Jesse was out the door and hurrying downstairs without a backwards glance. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by Badger because he needed to focus on work now. When he got to the lab Mr. White was royally pissed but Jesse just suited up, turned his iPod on, and got to work. When the other man realized Jesse wasn’t going to respond to any of his comments he growled in frustration but put his focus back on the cook. Jesse was sure Mr. White would demand they talk later but he wasn’t really interested in listening to him anymore. He noticed his thoughts started to drift once they got into the groove of the cook, but rather than remembering Gale’s scared face as he pointed a gun at the chemist Jesse was recalling his time with Badger the night before and how good it had felt. It seemed he’d finally found a good way to drown out the memory of killing Gale, and he hoped Badger was still around when he got off work so maybe they could hook up again. He knew it wasn’t smart to use sex with Badger as a coping mechanism but at this point he didn’t give a fuck, he just wanted to forget.

Once the cook was finished Jesse hightailed it out of the laundry, completely ignoring Mr. White’s attempts to get him to stop and talk. When he got back to his place, Jesse was shocked to see someone had attempted to clean up downstairs. There was still graffiti on the walls and curtains but most of the empty bottles and old pizza and shit were gone. He looked down to see his Roomba scooting along the floor picking up crumbs too which made him smile. Jesse thought it had been destroyed during the party and it really was a cool little machine. The stereo was on again, but at a much more bearable level, and Jesse could hear Badger down the hall in the bathroom taking a shower. Jesse smirked and started stripping off his clothes as he headed towards the bathroom.

He burst into the bathroom shouting, “Honey, I’m home!”

Badger squealed like a girl at Jesse’s entrance but tried to hide it as he shouted back, “You’re letting the cold air in! Get your ass in here if you’re gonna get in, bitch!”

Jesse laughed but hurried to shut the bathroom door and duck into the shower so Badger would stop whining. He pushed Badger away from the stream of water so he could warm up and thanked Badger for cleaning up. Badger nodded but didn’t make a big deal out of it. He scowled when Jesse made a comment about Badger making a good housewife though and tugged the smaller man out of the water to press up against Jesse’s back so Jesse could feel his hard dick pressed against his ass.

“This housewife is gonna make you moan like a bitch as soon as we get out of the shower,” Badger said before biting possessively at Jesse’s neck to leave a dark bruise.

Jesse’s head dropped forward against the wall of the shower and he reached down to grab his hardening dick only for Badger to swat his hand away. Jesse didn’t even have time to complain before Badger turned him around, pushed him against the wall, and started kissing him breathless. Jesse arched against Badger, trying to get some friction against his dick but Badger’s hands were pinning his hips down firmly. Badger broke the kiss and started nipping at Jesse’s collarbone, leaving more love bites on the man’s skin. Jesse couldn’t stand it a second longer and flipped the lever for the shower off, surprising Badger when the water cut off. Jesse leveled him with an intense stare and demanded they get upstairs to Jesse’s bedroom so Badger could fuck him senseless. Badger almost came on the spot at the thought of finally getting to fuck his friend. He mercilessly squeezed the base of his dick to stave off his orgasm though because there was something he intended on doing first with Jesse. He took great pleasure in hoisting Jesse over his shoulder once they’d toweled off and hurrying upstairs while Jesse struggled and yelled to be put down so he could walk on his own. Badger laughed as he let Jesse fall with an ‘oomph’ onto the bed that he must have made while Jesse was at work. He crawled over Jesse to straddle his waist and box his friend in with his bulkier frame. Jesse couldn’t help but bring his hands up to roam over Badger’s back and sides, fingers sinking in to squeeze the man’s hips before moving on to grope his chest and broad shoulders. He marveled at how much larger Badger was than him, it hadn’t occurred to him before how much difference there was between them size-wise. He was used to being the bigger one with all the girls he slept with but he found himself really enjoying the way Badger’s body surrounded him, like it grounded him or something. His face was chest level with Badger and he took the opportunity to pepper the area with kisses before straining his neck to give Badger a kiss on the mouth. Badger deepened the kiss, and their tongues fought for dominance but Jesse eventually relented and let his head fall back against the pillows since his neck was killing him. He started to fumble around in the bedside table drawer for lube and condoms but Badger told him to wait and hopped up to go fetch a black plastic bag by the bedroom door. Jesse sat up to see what Badger had apparently bought, a little wary his friend would pull out all sorts of kinky shit that Jesse didn’t really think he was ready for. Badger plopped onto the bed with the bag and gave Jesse a reassuring look before he started pulling out hypodermic needles. Jesse sucked in a breath at the sight of the needles, that was the last thing he expected Badger to want to try with him, but he had to admit he liked the idea of not having to stick himself with needles all alone. He watched as Badger continued to pull out rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, gauze pads, latex gloves, a sharps container, and a small plastic sterile sheet to put all the supplies on. Badger looked a little nervous, play piercing obviously being something he’d never considered before, but Jesse was so happy he threw his arms around his friend to kiss him in thanks for being so willing to try it with him. Badger beamed; glad to see Jesse liked what he’d purchased that day. Jesse was confused when Badger gently pushed him back but realized there must be more stuff in the bag when his friend reached for it again. Jesse watched as Badger pulled out a handful of beautiful black feathers to show to him. Jesse gasped, knowing exactly what Badger intended to do with those feathers and figured Badger must have been using his laptop earlier that day to do some research on play piercing designs.

Badger asked Jesse if he was fine with Badger using the needles on him and after Jesse gave an enthusiastic nod the bigger man motioned for Jesse to roll over onto his belly so Badger would have access to his back. Jesse complied without a word, too shocked by the whole situation to say anything actually. Badger pulled the sheet up to cover Jesse’s legs and ass before he straddled Jesse’s waist again and started to use the rubbing alcohol and cotton balls to clean Jesse’s skin despite them just getting out of the shower. Jesse couldn’t help but shiver at the cold antiseptic, though it was little in anticipation as well. Badger used several cotton balls, throwing the used ones in the now empty plastic bag, before he pulled on the latex gloves. He stroked down Jesse’s spine, bringing up goose bumps on Jesse’s sensitive skin. Badger made sure to remind Jesse to breathe and Jesse realized he had indeed been holding his breath. Badger tried to lighten the mood with a casual “Relax, bitch. Not like I’m about to skewer you or anything, bro. Trust me” which made Jesse laugh and loosen up a bit.

Jesse hissed as the first needle pierced his back near his left shoulder blade. It was painful, sure, but he welcomed the pain like an old friend. The irony that it was really one of his first and oldest friends piercing him wasn’t lost on Jesse but he chose not to dwell on that and instead lost himself in the sensation of needles piercing his skin again and again. After the first few needles were inserted Jesse was able to let go of the real world and float in a blissful haze that reminded him of the times he shot heroin with Jane but more in control. Badger thankfully wasn’t saying much, just allowing Jesse to drift in his own head-space but that was mostly because Badger was mesmerized by the blood dripping from the wounds he inflicted on his friend’s back. Once all 16 needles were in place—a needle for every year of their friendship—with 8 on each side of Jesse’s back, Badger started trailing his gloved hands through the blood which surprised Jesse but he didn’t mind it. He wanted Badger to enjoy it too, so if he wanted to play with Jesse’s blood that was cool. He turned his head to see the black feathers lying on the sterile sheet and Badger noticed where Jesse was looking and carefully picked up the first feather to insert in the end of the needle. In no time at all he had the feathers placed in the needles, creating the most dope looking wings on Jesse’s back like he was some sort of fallen angel. Badger had gotten Jesse’s blood on the feathers as he inserted them, adding to the effect. Jesse was eager to see as well and asked Badger to take a picture on his phone so he could look at his ‘wings’. Badger was more than happy to snap a picture of his work and felt pride bloom in his chest at the awestruck look on Jesse’s face when he saw the picture. Jesse was careful not to jostle the needles too much as he turned his head to look at Badger and asked his friend to fuck him. Badger was just as eager to get his dick in Jesse but when he moved to take out the feathers and needles Jesse was quick to beg him to leave them in. Badger nodded, already peeling off the latex gloves and tossing them in the plastic bag to pull the sheet off Jesse and grab the lube and condoms. He poured a generous amount down the cleft of Jesse’s ass to let it slide towards his hole, liking the way Jesse bucked at the cold liquid, before he put more on his own fingers. Badger slipped his index finger in up to the second knuckle, eliciting a gasp from Jesse. He thrust his finger in and out several times at different angles, but before Jesse could tell him to just hurry up and get him stretched Badger’s finger jammed into a spot inside him that had Jesse seeing stars and moaning like a whore. He’d forgotten about that spot from when they’d experimented with fingering before and how Badger had managed to make him come almost from stroking just his prostate. He remembers learning about it from high school health class, though he’d never thought much of it until him and Badger started fooling around.

Badger slipped another finger in Jesse to scissor inside his tight passage while he continued to rub his prostate. Jesse panted raggedly as he pushed back against Badger’s probing finger, all but begging for his friend to fuck him already. Badger used his unoccupied hand to keep Jesse firmly pinned to the bed by his lower back so that the needles in Jesse’s back weren’t dislodged. Jesse winced as Badger pushed a third finger in, he’d never had more than two fingers in him before, and it occurred to him that his friend was a pretty well-endowed dude so maybe Jesse shouldn’t try to rush him. He felt Badger pour some more lube down his hole with his fingers still inside and made a face at the obscene noise Badger’s lubed up hand made as he pulled them out and promptly pushed them back in. He felt himself relax after a few minutes of Badger working him open and imagined his hole must be a loose sloppy mess after Badger spent so much time stretching him. Jesse could feel a wet spot forming beneath him on the sheet from the copious amount of precome he was leaking just from Badger fingering him and he hoped he lasted more than a few minutes when they actually got to the main event. Badger must be pretty close too, since when Jesse looked over his shoulder he saw his friend’s dick was almost purple and painfully hard. Badger eventually removed his fingers with a ‘pop’ before grabbing a pillow to slip under Jesse’s hips to angle his ass up. When he heard Badger fumble for the condom behind him he couldn’t help but mutter a playful “about time!” as the other man ripped the wrapper open. If Badger heard the nervous tremor behind his words he was kind enough not to mention it, probably because he was just as nervous as Jesse about what they were about to do. Once Badger had gotten the condom on he started to nudge the head of his dick past Jesse’s stretched opening. He moved slowly, inching inside until he slipped past the first tight ring of muscle. Jesse flinched as Badger finally entered him, tears stinging his eyes, but when Badger asked if he was good Jesse nodded firmly and tried to get his breathing back to normal, knowing it would be better if he stayed relaxed. Badger thankfully didn’t just ram in but instead gave Jesse time to adjust to the sensation of being stuffed full. Jesse was amazed to feel Badger’s hips resting against Jesse’s ass, meaning he was fully inside him. Jesse could feel his dick flagging a bit from the penetration but hoped things would get better soon, guys surely wouldn’t willingly get fucked in the ass if they couldn’t get off on it right? He thought maybe it was the position he was in, flat on his belly, and got his knees up under him and pillowed his head on his folded arms. His movement jostled the needles in his arched back and he felt blood start to sluggishly slide out of the needle marks again. Badger groaned, whether at the change in position or the sight of Jesse’s bleeding back he wasn’t sure. It spurred his friend on though, and Badger hesitantly started to pull his hips back to thrust forward again before repeating the motion with a bit more confidence when Jesse didn’t seem to be in pain. Jesse gasped at the feeling of Badger moving in and out, eyes bulging as he realized he was actually getting fucked for the first time, in the ass at least. He didn’t let himself dwell on the thought that letting himself be fucked by a guy definitely made him a homo. He couldn’t really think of anything once Badger’s dick pounded into that spot inside him again and again, in fact he felt like his brain had completely short circuited. Jesse heard someone howling something like “faster, bitch! Yeah, yeah, just like that! Fuck me harder, man!” and belatedly realized it was him. Badger’s hands were gripping Jesse’s hips tight enough to bruise as he guided Jesse’s ass back to meet his thrusts. The sound of skin slapping skin seemed ridiculously loud to Jesse’s ears but he loved the punishing pace Badger had set. His hands fisted the sheet until his knuckles turned white and his sweating face slid against the smooth material from the force of their fucking.

“Oh, God, it’s like fucking a fucking angel, man! You look so beautiful- ngh, yeah you’re so tight Jesse, fuck,” Badger babbled above him with a strangled voice as he reached around to frantically pump Jesse’s cock.

Jesse keened, Badger calling him beautiful had hurled him over the edge and he felt his balls tighten up as his orgasm ripped through him. His ass clenched like a vise around Badger’s dick, wringing his friend’s orgasm out of him after a few more pumps. Badger bowed over Jesse’s back as he rode out the last of his orgasm, breathing heavily and dripping sweat from his brow. Jesse was equally wrecked, nearly shaking from their intense fuck. Badger carefully eased his dick out of Jesse’s ass, keeping a hand wrapped around the base of the condom a he pulled out. He stripped the used rubber off, tied it off, and chucked it in the plastic bag that had somehow managed to stay on the bed. Despite how exhausted he must have been Jesse felt the bed shift as Badger got up to pad out of the room, completely unconcerned about walking around buck-naked. Jesse’s eyes were drooping closed against his will when the bed dipped again under Badger’s weight. The man started to gently remove the bloodied feathers and needles once he put another pair of latex gloves on, placing the feathers in the plastic bag and the needles in the sharps container. Once everything was disposed of Badger ran a wet washcloth over Jesse’s back to mop up the blood and sweat. The cool cloth felt wonderful to Jesse’s overheated skin and he couldn’t contain a contented sigh at his friend’s thoughtful care. He had almost drifted off by the time Badger finished wiping his back and began taping gauze pads over the needle marks to keep him from bleeding all over the place. Badger put the gloves in the plastic bag along with the washcloth and sharps container before putting all the trash in the garbage can near the bed. He crawled over Jesse to the other side of the bed and tugged Jesse into his arms so that they were spooned together and pulled the blanket up to their hips. He nuzzled at Jesse’s neck, blowing air at his ear to try to rouse the smaller man. Jesse grumbled, used to just passing out after having sex and not liking Badger trying to keep him awake.

“Go the fuck to sleep, man. What do you want, a medal or something?” Jesse griped as he snuggled further into the bed and Badger’s embrace.

Badger chuckled, “Well, I wouldn’t turn it down, yo. That was some seriously awesome sex, you gotta admit. But, I was thinking we should order some food, you know. You probably haven’t eaten at all today, have you?”

Jesse rolled over to fix Badger with a disgruntled expression which just made Badger laugh even more because Jesse just looked like a pissed off sleepy kitten. He couldn’t help but lean forward to plant a kiss on Jesse’s forehead, but chose not to voice his thoughts since he was hoping to get to sleep with Jesse again pretty soon.

“C’mon, you’ve gotta be hungry. I’m starving. Let’s order Chinese or something,” Badger said as he scooted to sit up against the headboard.

Jesse sighed before replying, “Fine, but you’re feeding me egg rolls in bed, bitch,” and curled up to lay his head on Badger’s lap as the man snatched his phone off the bedside table to order the food, ignoring the triumphant grin on Badger’s face.

As the two men shared a joint while they waited on the food to arrive, Jesse felt like some of the weight that had been slowly crushing him had been lifted off his shoulders finally. Still feeling the sting in his back from where the needles had been not long before and leaned up against Badger who’d put those needles there, Jesse felt like things might just be alright for the first time in a long time. He was sure it wouldn’t last, nothing ever did for Jesse, but he would enjoy whatever was going on between him and Badger for as long as possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Sarah McLachlan's song "Angel".  
> Not an expert on temporary piercing, drugs, or pretty much anything but I did some research on the topics and hopefully any errors I made aren't too horrible.  
> Also, this is my first time posting to AO3 so please bear with me as I figure out the HTML.


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